Search for Hottness
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: Tidus runs out of the contributor of his hotness: peanut butter cookies, and must go out in search of them before he loses his pazzaz forever.


Yes, finally! After a whole one year break of writing, due to performing in plays (which 's bunches of hours a day rehearsing), falling in and out of love with random objects, chasing after unseemly loiterers, and condemning the powers of spandex in household appliances, the great Mr. Miagi has returned, and the Banana Factory is up and running most functionally, ready to dedicate itself to making many more loads of crap-filled stories with the low quality that you all want and deserve. Now, to start of the story, I start with the necessary clause:

Disclaimer: I own... nothing?( - for some reason, readers feel so much more at ease when they see this, though I'm not sure why).

Now, the even more necessary necessity: the story

It started out like any other day, I mean, how couldn't it have? The sky was blue, those things that resembled birds were flying through the air, and Spira looked to be one hell of a happy place (minus Sin's attacking random villages, killing everyone there, and then leaving the rest of the world in a frightened, dismal mood). It was on such a day that the guardian gang felt that, yes, this should be a day to continue the pilgrimage, even though they would have done so anyway, but that is not important. Tidus woke up early, brushed his teeth, ran his hands through his blonde locks (they have tooth brushes, but hair brushes are nowhere to be found... curiouser and curiouser), applied his acne wash, put on his sun tan lotion, and tried out his newly found Armani cologne. With these he felt fresh and new, ready to take on the long day that awaited, and as soon as he used his secret item, the one thing that made Tidus the chick magnet of Zanarkand, the babe connector of Spira, and the ultimate player of the universe, he would be able to stride with confidence and fear would not be an issue. He stuck his hand down his special side pocket to retrieve this wondrous artifact that, in and of itself, held the meaning of life: his one day old stash of peanut butter cookies. He groped and grabbed about his pocket, a sudden flash of shear terror coming over him, and then he remembered the awful truth: he had used up the last of his reinforcements the day before as to seduce Seymoure out of ripping him into pieces with those gi-mungous hands of his. It had been a stroke of luck the meister so happened to lean towards young men (oh come on, you know it's true! One sentence out of that guy and it's obvious he's somewhere over the rainbow), and the blonde had made it through another day with the help of his sexy peanut butter cookie breath. Now, with all of the nuttiness gone, how would he be able to flaunt his whiles in front of all the futuristic bombshells? Would Yuna still want him? Would Rikku still have gaga eyes for him? Would it be possible to continue his experiment of turning Auron gay just for the hell of it? Within moments, Tidus found himself in a dark and dismal place, and he had no idea how to dig himself out. He walked over to the main room of the Rin's Traveling Agency and headed towards Yuna. Perhaps things would work out anyway, and he wouldn't have to feel dependent on the sugary delight. All he could do is hope.

"Hey Yuna!" He said, a broad grin overlapping his face.

Yuna looked at him, almost disenchanted, saying, "Tidus... there's something wrong with you today, though I cannot identify what."

"Um, well, you see," he started, "I kinda ran out of peanut butter cookies, so-"

In fright, Yuna gasped. "Tidus, this is horrible!" she began to cry waterfalls, the thought of something so horrid breaking down her mental capacity.

"Oh come on now," he said, trying to be consoling, even though he found it hard himself, "we can still be together without them, can't we?"

Yuna shook her head, "No. I'm sorry Tidus, but I don't think that I can love you without peanut butter cookie breath. I'm so sorry."

At this time Auron, who had overheard everything, moseyed on over to the dramatic scene. "Don't worry, Yuna," he said, "You can always use me as a shoulder to cry on."

She nodded slowly, holding Auron in a tight embrace, which spread a slight, sleazy smile across the older man's face (who, for whatever reason, has a thing for Yuna in this fic, though I haven't decided the reason yet... probably rival conflict type thing), and he led her off to the other side of the room.

Tidus was speechless, simply speechless. After the course of two minutes, he had lost his hottie attracters and lost the love of his life to some old man. It was obvious there was only one thing left to do. It was time to venture off for the ultimate peanut butter of hottness.

end of prologue/ch.1 (whichever you prefer to call it)

I guess it's okay, wouldn't say it's the best thing I have ever written, but it'll do. I'll make the next chapter longer if this one is well received. So now... REVIEW, GOD DAMN YOU!


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